


Just a Little Problematic

by NotJustLoT



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Referenced Resurrection, happy ending dw, im sorry for making them sad, no beta we die like men, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-10-29 06:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20792204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotJustLoT/pseuds/NotJustLoT
Summary: The recently resurrected Molly may or may not be in love with the resident wizard Caleb Widogast. We’ll see what happens.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dillislazii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dillislazii/gifts).

> Hey dill pickle, I love you <3

Getting back to the inn late made it difficult for Molly to sleep. Even after the Nein stayed up for a while talking about what the next move was, he still tossed and turned for hours. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore and got up, making for the door.

Molly exited the room he shared with Fjord and turned to slowly close the door. The door clunked against the frame, making more noise than he would’ve liked, and he eased away from it, focusing back on the task at hand: getting a fucking drink.

He wasn’t able to take even one step when the door across from his and Fjord’s creaked open, and he watched as auburn hair peeked out from behind the slightly opened door. “Mollymauk?” Caleb stepped out from behind the door and quietly pushed it closed behind him. “What are you doing up so late?” Molly felt his heart thud at the sound of Caleb’s accent, slipping through even stronger at the late hour.

He waved the question away with a quick gesture. “Couldn’t sleep.” Caleb lifted a hand and three glowing orbs of light surrounded the two of them, causing Molly to realize that the only thing lighting the hallway were a few dim oil lamps. He didn’t know how long it’d been since they’d headed to bed, or even what time it was when they got back to the inn. Caleb would know. “Speaking of;” Molly placed his hands on his hips and moved his attention back to the man in front of him. “what time is it?”

Caleb avoided making direct eye contact and instead was focusing on something to Molly’s left. “It is four o’clock.” Molly nodded and looked him up and down, noticing that Caleb was missing his coat. Then again, Molly was without his coat, also, but as much of a trademark his coat was, it didn’t cling to him the way Caleb’s did. Like it was shielding him from the world.

“What is making it difficult for you to sleep?” Caleb‘s words shook Molly out of his thoughts.

“Hm? Oh!” He saw then that Caleb was leaned against the door, still averting his gaze but more visibly relaxed. “I’m just-” he hesitated, searching for the right word. “-restless.” Then, to brush things over, he added, “You know how it is.”

Caleb nodded in understanding and Molly went to lean against the wall beside Caleb. “What about you?” He asked and nudged him with his shoulder. “What has our resident wizard up so late?”

“Oh,” Caleb came to attention there and finally met Molly’s eyes. “I was just reading.” Molly smiled to himself.  _ Of course.  _ Caleb, being painfully intelligent, wouldn’t be doing anything else.

Molly then realized he never responded to Caleb’s answer, cobalt blue eyes trained on his making it hard to think, and he said the first thing that came to mind. “I hope I didn’t startle you.”

“Nein, no, you did not.” Caleb’s answer was rushed, and he shook his head. “No, I just wanted to make sure it was one of you. Just in case something was not okay.” 

Molly found it hard not to kiss him right then and there. It wasn’t often that Caleb spoke about how much he cared about the M9, but when he did, it was something that made Molly’s stomach do flips.

“Are you okay?” Caleb asked, and Molly figured his expression was telling.

“What? Yes, of course. Always.” He gave Caleb a weak smile, and it was almost returned, with a quick upturn of the lips that Caleb tried to hide by turning away.

“Good. I am glad. I have worried about you these past months since…” He trailed off and Molly knew what he was going to say:  _ since you came back. _ “Not that I was not worried before then. And before what happened at Glory Run.”

“Caleb,  _ darling _ .” That seemed to get Caleb’s attention, and he quickly looked back to meet Molly’s eyes. “You don’t have to worry about me.”  _ I worry about you, too _ . The words hung on the edge of his lips. “I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”

“ _ Ja _ , but then there are times where you are not.” He averted his gaze. “I know it is not in your nature to do so, but the rest of us look back on that day often. We missed you very much when you were, ah… when you were gone.”

Molly let a smile play at his lips and leaned his shoulder against Caleb’s. “Did you miss me?” he spoke, and for a moment he felt Caleb hesitate and assumed he wouldn’t answer. Then he locked his eyes on Molly’s, and Molly couldn’t help but let his gaze drop to Caleb’s lips when he realized how close they were. 

“ _ Molly… _ ” At the sound of his name, Molly began to draw away, thinking Caleb might push him away. Then Caleb had his hand on his cheek and he froze, allowing Caleb to lean forward and press their lips together lightly, and-  _ gods it was perfect _ . 

One of his hands moved up to tangle in Caleb’s hair, and he felt a hand grab him by the waist as he was pulled flush against Caleb. Molly’s free hand moved to Caleb’s waist on instinct, however, he wasn’t able to hold on long as he heard Caleb fumble with the lock behind him.  _ That’s right _ . They’re against the door.

Molly brought his hand to the handle and pushed the door open, causing Caleb to stumble back and pull Molly inside with him. He pushed the door closed with his foot, and in a moment Caleb had pushed him against the door. His horns made contact with the door, eliciting a soft thud, and Caleb brought a hand up behind his head. Their lips met again, and Molly heard the lock click behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading ! I’ll try and update as often as possible, starting in the next couple days, make sure to leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, I would appreciate it so much. <3


	2. Chapter 2

Molly woke up in a mess of sheets. The room was beginning to fill with sunlight, and Molly forced his eyes open. He could smell Caleb, but there was no one else in the room. Sitting up, he could see books scattered across the floor and not much else, the remainder of Caleb’s things safely tucked away in his bag, ready to go at a moment’s notice.

Molly reached a hand down to the ground and picked up one of the books. It was about as cryptic as he’d expected, and he could hardly even read it. Not that he remembered the last time he’d picked up a book, or if he’d ever picked one up.

He set the book on the side table and stood. After he got dressed, he walked over to the door and pressed his ear against it. He didn’t hear anything and slowly made his exit, easing the door shut behind him and heading for the stairs.

He caught sight of Caleb by the window staring out, and the rest of the Nein were nowhere to be seen. Molly crept up behind him and whispered, “Coming up behind you.” as he wrapped his arms around Caleb’s middle, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

Caleb jerked away from his touch and spun around. “Molly!” Molly took a step back instinctually as Caleb looked around the room.

“Sorry. That was- too much. I just- figured since no one else was around- I-” He scratched the back of his neck as he stumbled over his words. “You know…” He trailed off and reached for Caleb’s hand.

He felt light fingertips against his wrist and his eyes moved down to see Caleb, barely touching him, pushing him away. “Molly…” That was all he said before Jester bounded down the stairs.

“Caaaaay-leeeeeeb!” She jumped off the final couple steps and walked quickly between them before plopping down on the nearest chair. “What time is it?”

“It is eight o’clock.”

“Good! The others are coming down now.” She kicked her feet for a moment then stopped to grimace. “Why didn’t you tell me Nott wasn’t a morning person? I mean, I knew about  _ Beau _ , but I could always imagine Nott with like a cup of coffee and some pastries or…” 

Molly put on a smile for the moment but let his thoughts slip away. Caleb hadn’t said much, but the silence spoke louder than Caleb would ever be able to.  _ Molly… last night was a mistake. Molly… let’s just forget about it. Molly… I don’t think of you like that. _

Images of the night before flashed before his eyes. Caleb kissing him. Caleb pulling him into the room. Caleb kissing him. Caleb kissing him. Caleb kissing him. His head on Caleb’s chest. Caleb’s fingers running through his hair-

“Are we all about ready to head out then?” Molly looked up. Fjord was standing there addressing the group, and- when had the group even come down?

“Should be,” Beau said. “Caleb, do you have the dome spell thing ready?”

“Ah… yes, it is a ritual spell, but ah… surely we will reach the next city by nightfall, no?”

“Should,” Fjord agreed. “But if it’s early enough when we do, we might just keep moving.” Fjord looked around the group, probably searching for signs of approval.

Everyone nodded and dispersed, some heading towards the bar to order something to eat before they left, others going back upstairs to get their things together. Molly didn’t remember moving, but before he knew it, he was on the cart reading Jester’s fortune.

He held up a card and she groaned. “Mollyyyyy.” She crosses her arms and pouted. “Why do I always get  _ that _ card?” He flipped it around so he could see. It was the Moon again.

He chuckled. “That’s only twice now. I wouldn’t worry  _ too  _ much, Jes.”

“ _ Actually _ , Beau let me pull a card while she was still holding onto them for you.”  _ Holding onto them for you _ , just another way the team danced around Molly’s death. Jester tilted her head at him. “I pulled the Moon then, too. What does it mean?”

“You’re pure of heart. A woman of virtue,” Molly said, repeating himself from the first time they’d met. He didn’t have the heart to tell her what it really meant. The Moon meant illusion, fear, anxiety. He didn’t really have the heart to believe what that said about Jester, deep down.

Jester seemed to think about it for a moment before shrugging. “Okay! I believe you.”

The rest of the cart ride went the same as every other. Team discussions, teasing Beau, drinking with Nott, joking with Jester, and embroidering more small designs on his coat.

As it grew dark, the group grew less talkative, and Molly sank back into his own head. Absentmindedly shuffling his cards, he eyed Caleb sitting across from him, remembering his hands in his hair, his lips on his neck, his head on his chest-

“Are you ever going to pull a card for someone other than Jester?” Caleb asked, and Molly tilted his head in confusion.

Remembering the group was watching, Molly smirked and scooted closer to Caleb. “Is that your way of asking for a fortune, Mister Caleb?”

Caleb chuckled weakly. “If you are offering.”

He gave the cards another quick shuffle, trying to remember where the Lovers sat and cutting it to the middle, placing his thumb over it as soon as the cards were spread.  _ This was wrong _ . He moved his finger to rest over the card to the right of the Lovers and pulled it from the deck, flipping it between them. The Lovers. Reversed.

Caleb spared a glance towards the others. No one was paying attention. “So what does it mean?” He asked, turning back to the card.

“Uh-”  _ disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values  _ “It represents harmony. Uh… honesty, values… The Lovers usually represents a choice.” Molly started to tuck the card back into its place in the deck. “Choosing who you want to be.”

Caleb nodded, and Molly moved back to his place further away from Caleb. It was so difficult to get a proper read on Caleb, and he started shuffling the cards again, deciding after a couple minutes to draw one for himself.

He spread out the cards on the ground and pulled one towards the left of the deck, laying it down in front of him.

The Three of Swords Upright: heartbreak, emotional pain, hurt.  _ Dammit. _

He gathered his cards back up and tried not to think about it. His own fucking tarot cards were mocking him. Unbelievable.


	3. Chapter 3

When Molly awoke, it was quiet, and he rubbed at his eyes. Hopefully, they would take some downtime now that they were in a city, but he knew that wouldn’t happen. Still, it would be nice to-

“I was wondering when you would be up.”

He sat up at the sound of Yasha’s voice and directed his attention to where she sat in a chair pulled from the desk. A smile was suddenly on his face as he leaned his head on his hand. 

“Yasha! I am  _ so _ glad you’re back, darling.”

She smiled back at him and stood, walking over to sit beside him. “Me, too. What did I miss this time?”

“Oh, far too much!” Molly said, nearly the same reply as every other time, but now his mind was slipping back to everything that happened with Caleb.

Yasha’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and shook him from his thoughts, causing him to look up and meet her eyes. “Are you okay?” Her eyebrows were scrunched up in a look of concern, and Molly gave a wry laugh before dropping the act.

“Not particularly.” He brought a hand to the back of his neck and tried to think how he could possibly express to her what he was going through. “Truthfully, something happened between me and our resident wizard.”

She perked up at Caleb’s mention. “Did you tell him how you feel?” She asked excitedly, and Molly shook his head.

“No, no.” He dismissed the thought with a gesture. “No, I couldn’t. But... he kissed me, a couple nights ago.”

“That’s great!” Yasha said, leaning in and most likely trying to gauge how Molly could be so upset about this. “Isn’t it?”

“No, Yash. It  _ was, _ I just-” Frustrated, he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands for a moment before bringing his head back up to rest on clasped hands. “He fucked me, and now he hates me.”

“Molly, I don’t think that could be true.”

“But it is.” He sighed. “It’s a whole mess.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” she spoke clearly and concisely, and it made it hard not to believe her.

“He asked me to do a reading for him actually,” Molly said, a smile slowly creeping its way back onto his face. “I cut the cards, but… still.” 

“See? That’s good.” She gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before withdrawing her hand. “Maybe you could talk to him today. Be honest.”

Molly pulled a face. That sounded like a horrible idea. He gave a nervous chuckle and stood. “We should probably head downstairs.”

She watched him cross the room to grab his coat and boots. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, shouldn’t keep the others waiting.” He shrugged on the coat after he’d laced up his boots and looked up to see Yasha already standing and nodding. “We agreed to head out around noon.”

“Okay. What’s the job?”


	4. Chapter 4

Mollymauk stayed stationed by the wall as Caleb crossed the room, removing his coat, book holster, and the like before finally sitting on the bed to take off his boots. 

Once he had set them to the side, he seemed to notice Molly again and pat the bed beside him. “Er.. come, sit.”

Although, Molly didn’t need to be told twice, he hesitated in his step, unsure of where any of this was going. He eventually seated himself beside Caleb, heart beating uncontrollably as Caleb reached out to caress his cheek.

Caleb dragged his thumb across Molly’s lips and his brain was already overloading. “ _ Caleb… _ ?” His voice was shaky, it had to be.

“ _ Ich lieb dich. _ ” Molly didn’t know what that meant, but it didn’t matter when suddenly Caleb’s lips were on his and he was being pulled into a warm embrace. Caleb pulled away just slightly, so little that Molly could still feel his breath when he spoke. “ _ I love you. _ ” What?

Molly drew away and broke free from Caleb’s hold before he felt his throat begin to tighten. In an attempt to shake it off, he cleared his throat. “Don’t fuck with me, Caleb.” He could feel himself sobering up from the sheer impact of Caleb’s statement.  _ What an inconsiderate asshole.  _

He felt Caleb lean against his side and start to take his hand, although Molly refused to let him. “ _ Really, Mollymauk _ .” He reached up to cup Molly’s cheek, but Molly had had enough and pushed his hand down. “ _ Was ist- _ ”

“No.” Molly met Caleb’s glazed over and confused eyes but couldn’t take it. “No, you don’t get to do that. I spent  _ months _ pining after you, falling in love with you, and for what? So that you can get drunk and come and make a mockery of my emotions with some fabricated realization? I won’t have it.”

He stood up and made for the door, not stopping when he heard Caleb calling after him and instead swinging the door open and slamming it shut. He felt his way to the ground rather than walk to his and Fjord’s room. 

_ Gods, he had been so stupid. So blinded by the simple prospect of being with the man he had fallen in love with. Been stupid enough to fall in love with someone so emotionally and mentally unstable in the first place. Fuck. _

~

Even when morning rolled around, Mollymauk still found himself sitting silently alone in favor of finding the group. There was a knock at the door around mid-morning, though, and Fjord stepped into their room. “Hey. What’re you still doing up here?”

“Hm?” Molly stood as he registered the question and went about sheathing his scimitars. “Oh, nothing. Wrestling through that hangover mostly.”

“Oh.” Fjord seemed to accept that answer and nodded. “Well, we’re about to head into town. Jes sent me up to find you while she and Nott got their stuff together.”

Molly found himself nodding along as he headed for the door. “Is Yasha gone?”

“Took off sometime last night. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

Everyone was waiting downstairs when Molly and Fjord came down. “Mollyyyyy,” Jester called from their table, smiling wide as they approached. “Nott and I were going to go look at dresses and things in town. You’re coming, right?”

He was about to chime in with a dramatic gesture and an ‘of course’ when Caleb spoke up. “Er.. actually, I was hoping to look at some books, and I was hoping Mollymauk could take me.” No. Fucking. Way.

Beau nodded and stood up. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Jes, I’ll come and look at dresses with you guys.”

Molly was about to say that usually Beau escorted Caleb to libraries and such, but Jester spoke first in her excitement. “Really?! Can we get you a dress, Beau?”

Beau looked like she was already regretting her decision, but she just sighed. “Maybe. Okay?”

Jester squealed and turned to Molly, who was already internally panicking. “I’ll get you anything that I think you might like, okay?”

To keep the team from catching onto anything between him and Caleb, he smiled. “Sounds wonderful, Jester dear.”

The walk to the bookstore was carried out in silence, but five minutes into looking through a pile of books, Caleb called Molly over from where he was standing at a separate shelf pretending to look at things. “Mollymauk?”

“Yes?”

“Come here, please.” Molly reluctantly pushed off of the bookshelf and walked over.

“What is it?”

Caleb was holding two nearly identical books. “Which of these do you think I should get?”

“I don’t know. Which one do you want?” He didn’t even bother feigning excitement. Caleb obviously didn’t remember anything, but that didn’t matter. It was better this way anyhow.

“I can’t decide.”

“Then get them both.”

“I don’t have the gold for both.”

Molly sighed. “Caleb, I will get you both of the books if that means we can get back to the others. Give them here.” He held out his hands, and Caleb very slowly placed them in Molly’s grasp.

“Is everything… alright? Are you okay?”

He tucked the books underneath his arm. “Of course.” He gestured to the register. “Shall we?”

Caleb nodded, and Molly bought the books, promptly handing them back to Caleb so they could make their way back to the inn. Another walk carried out in silence.

As Molly reached for the door to the inn, Caleb stopped his arm and pulled him to the side. “Mollymauk. Have I done something wrong?”

Molly sighed. “Caleb, I really don’t want to be having this discussion right now; you were drunk, I won’t hold it against you, okay? We can let everything just go back to normal.” It wasn’t exactly a deal Mollymauk was content with himself, but he couldn’t see another solution.

Caleb was about to say something when Jester burst out of the inn. “Molly! Come and look what I got you!” She moves around Caleb and grabbed Molly’s hands, pulling him inside. “Oh, and Caleb, Nott got something for you, too!”

“ _ Ja _ , I’m coming.”


	5. Chapter 5

Throughout the meal, Jester kept Molly busy, showing him everything she and Nott bought and telling him about everything he’d missed. Molly would be lying, though, if he said he didn’t miss Nott glaring at him from across the table, but he ignored it. He did occasionally spare a glance towards Caleb, though, but he was too absorbed in his new books to notice or return the look, to Molly’s knowledge.

Caleb seemed… fine. And that was good. Things could go back to the way they were seamlessly. It was good. It was. 

Molly’s gaze slipped back to Caleb more than he’d like to admit, but it’s not like he could help it. The man was  _ magnetic _ . Even if he was still hurt and trying to distance himself from Caleb, Molly still longed to be close to him, more than anything else.

When it seemed Jester had talked about all that she could, Molly excused himself to the washroom. Locking himself inside, he took a deep breath.

_ Was he being stupid? Had he fucked up everything he’d built with Caleb? Had he read into everything too much? What if Caleb did have feelings for him? Did love him? And he had just broken his fucking heart- _

There was a knock at the door, and Molly tried to control his breathing as he stood up.  _ When had he sat down? _

“Molly? You good in there?” Beau. Molly quickly opened the door and pulled her inside. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“Am I being stupid?” He asked.

She stammered, looking for a response. “I mean,  _ most _ of the time,” she finally said. He ran a hand through his hair-  _ fuck _ -and she placed her hand on his shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Caleb hates me.”

“Woah, woah.  _ Molly _ .” She snapped in his face. “Why would he hate you?”

“Because I’m in love with him, and when he told me  _ he _ loved  _ me _ , I basically told him to fuck off because he was drunk.” Beau’s eyes widened. “He didn’t mean it, right? He couldn’t have. Tell me I didn’t make the wrong call here.”

“Dude…” Beau shook her head. “You fucked up.” 

Molly swallowed, hard. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“Yeah, uh… I’m used to giving advice to Caleb and shit about this, but I’m still uncomfortable with the whole sharing your feelings thing so uh… I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait.” He grabbed her wrist as she reached for the door. “He talked to you about me?”

“Oh.. I mean, listen,  _ sometimes _ , okay? When I said advice I really meant in a general sense, but like… sometimes.” She clapped his shoulder again. “You good?”

No. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

She nodded and went for the door again, hesitating just before opening it. “You want to hear some of the advice I gave Caleb when he came running about his little crush on you?” Molly made a vague ‘carry on’ sort of gesture. 

“Just fucking talk to him,” she said and slipped out the door.

Right. There was no way Caleb would be caught dead with Molly after the shit he pulled today. 

“ _ Fuck _ .” 

How much time passed before there was another knock, Molly didn’t know, but he began quickly shuffling around the room, realizing how long he’d probably been. 

“One second,” he called, taking a couple seconds to breath before finally pushing the door open and taking his leave, switching places with an unfamiliar drow.

He spotted the group at the same table as when he left them and strolled over, fake smile in place as he leaned on the back of his empty chair. They all looked up at his arrival, and Jester immediately spoke up on behalf of the rest.

“Molly! Are you okay?” He furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to argue, but she just continued, “You were in there so long, and Beau said that you were gonna throw up and stuff, and-”

Molly took his seat again and put a hand up to stop Jester’s onslaught of concerns. “I’m fine, Jes.” Nat twenty on deception. “I’m just gonna turn in a little early tonight, I’m not feeling all that well.”

In the brief moment of silence before someone else spoke, Molly shot Beau a look of appreciation, to which she nodded before fjord chimed in.

“If that’s the case, do you think it’d be better if you roomed alone?” Absolutely.

“Oh, I don’t know if that’s completely necessary,” Molly said. “I’m just feeling a little nauseous is all.”

“Well, in case it’s serious, maybe you should take your own room. And we can keep the girls all in one room, and Caleb and I can bunk together.” He looked at Caleb, eyebrows raised in question. “Right?”

To most people, it would look like Caleb was just zoning out or reading his book, staring at a place right in front of his books, but to Molly and anyone else that knew him well enough (or in Molly’s case, watched him close enough), it was evident of Caleb was listening to the conversation. From Molly’s personal observations, he could make a case that Caleb had been watching the exchange closely, only looking down recently, most likely as Fjord started discussing sleeping arrangements.

He glanced up and looked between Molly and Fjord. “Hmm? Oh,  _ ja _ , that should be fine.” He opened his mouth as if he’d say something, but closed it.  _ He hates me. _

“You know,” Molly started. “I think I’m ready to turn in now.” He stood up to make his leave, and Caleb mimicked his action.

“Er, wait. We will have to move our things and switch keys.” He followed his statement by picking up his books and pulling out his room key. “I’ll come up with you.”

They walked up the stairs in silence and entered their respective rooms to grab their things. Molly threw whatever he had strewn about the room into his bag and crossed the hall.

Caleb had left the door open just as Molly had with his and Fjord’s room, and he stepped inside. Caleb was still in the process of stacking his books, and as Molly entered, he grabbed his bag from the bed and moved it to the desk.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’ll be out of your way in a moment.”

Molly just nodded and walked over to set his bag at the foot of the bed where he sat down and watched Caleb pack. He was rushing, very obviously, but he was still very careful and meticulous.

Caleb glanced over at him as he finished but very quickly looked away and flushed. “Er, sorry.” He set down the room key and grabbed his things, already heading for the door when Molly stood to hand him the other key.

Noticing his mistake, Caleb turned on his heel and grabbed the key from Molly, who didn’t let go. 

“Caleb.”  _ I’m sorry. _

When Caleb looked up to meet his eyes, he let go of the key and dropped his hand. 

“Nevermind.” Taking a step black, he cleared his throat. “Sorry to keep you.”

He didn’t get a response. Caleb’s back was turned to him in an instant and right before the door was closed, he spoke up again.

“Caleb.” He stopped and spared a glance back in Molly’s direction. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

There was silence for a moment, then the door slammed closed and the sound rang clear in Molly’s head.

He looked around the empty room and forced himself to cross over to the bed. He sat down and gripped the mattress.  _ Fuck. _

He let go suddenly, deciding to just lie down, let sleep take him, and figure everything else out in the morning. However, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he could smell Caleb, and he tried to ignore it. _Gods,_ _he tried to ignore it._

Everything just kept replaying over and over in his head, though, and he couldn’t get over how much he knew he’d fucked up.

He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. He was  _ not _ having any sort of mental breakdown. Everything was  _ fine. _

When nearly another hour had passed and he was certain sleep wouldn’t come, he reached for his bag, procuring a bottle of whiskey he’d picked up in the last town. He didn’t have a glass, so he just drank it straight from the bottle, not that he hadn’t before. Glasses were more to keep up appearances than anything else.

Eventually, he drank himself from consciousness, but only a few hours later he was awake again.

He couldn’t breathe. He definitely couldn’t breathe, and there was something weighing him down, suffocating him. He opened his mouth and was met with a rough texture and poor taste, and he  _ still  _ couldn’t breathe.

Molly sat upright, gasping for air and gripping the quilts beneath him. It took nearly two minutes of taking in deep breaths for Molly to calm down enough, and when he did, he reached for the whiskey again, the taste of dirt still stinging his tongue.

A few more drinks, and Molly threw himself back into the pillows and fell asleep. The same night terror woke him just two hours later, however, and he opened the window.

Climbing out and sitting on the sill, he drank periodically, simply watching the stars fade away. Then the sun rose, and after another hour or so, he heard the others starting to shuffle around in the hallway and tucked the now half-empty bottle back into its place in his bag.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update you guys! I got rlly distracted and struggled with how to move into the next part of this story, but we are now nearing the end, so buckle down for one or two more updates. And thank you so much for reading.

The next day was nothing like the one before yet it was so similar, painted in the same shades of misery and self-loathing, and pretending.

Molly kept an impressive smile on all day as he goofed off with Jester, got told off by Nott, and bought paper for Caleb.

Nott seemed to thing Molly had done something to upset Caleb, but Molly dismissed her, keeping his expression carefully under control as she glared at him. It was at about that time that Molly made a mental note to buy Caleb  _ lots  _ of paper. He also knew that he would have to talk to Caleb. Soon.

He didn’t get the opportunity during the day, but that night when he was lying sleepless in his room, he heard movement in the hall. 

Whiskey bottle still in hand, he made his way to the door and nudged it open. “Caleb?” He was sitting in front of his and Fjord’s door, knees pulled to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He looked up just slightly and Molly could see red around his eyes.

“Molly. Hallo.”

Molly gave him a weak smile and stepped forward to hand him the bottle. “Hold onto this for me,” he said, ducking back into his room and grabbing the bundle of paper from the desk.

He walked back out to the hall, paper held behind his back, and kneeled on the floor beside Caleb, who promptly set down the whiskey. “I’ve got something that might cheer you up a bit.” Producing a real smile this time, Molly pulled the bundle from behind his back, and Caleb tentatively reached out to touch it.

“Er… this is..” He quickly withdrew and averted his gaze. “This is too much, I don’t-”

“ _ Caleb _ .” Molly stopped him and pushed the pages into Caleb’s arms, forcing him to move his legs from his chest as Molly repositioned to sit side by side with him.

He watched Caleb caress the paper before setting it to the side. “ _ Danke _ .”

“Anything for you, dear.” He picked up the whiskey and took a swig then held it out to Caleb. When it was out of his hand, Molly leaned back against the wall. “Bad dream?”

“ _ Ja _ , you could say that.” The bottle came back towards him and he took another drink and passed it back.

He put his hand up when Caleb went to give it back again and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Er.. for?”

He struggled with what to say before shrugging. “Being an asshole.”

Caleb chuckled a little, and Molly felt his heart melt. Caleb took another sip and tried to pass it back again. Accepted. “ _ Ja _ , Beau would say that is all the time, so why apologize at all.”

_ Shit. _ Another drink. “I’ll be more specific, then.” As he held the bottle towards it, he felt Caleb’s fingers graze over his and he tightened his grip, forcing Caleb to freeze less than a foot away from him. “I’m sorry for being an asshole to  _ you _ .” A pause. He loosened his grip, but Caleb didn’t move. “You deserve better.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but…  _ nein. _ ” He withdrew suddenly and leaned back against the door. “I do not.”

“Caleb-”

“The things that haunt me do for a reason, Mollymauk. Those dreams, those memories… it’s penance.”

“And mine?”

Caleb sat up straight and turned to look at Molly, who immediately averted his eyes. “ _ Was? _ ”

“Sometimes things happen for no reason; that’s just how it is.”

He could see out of the corner of his eye that Caleb’s hands were beginning to shake around the glass. “I- I did not know that you had nightmares,” he said, staring intensely at the whiskey.

“It’s okay…” It was obvious Caleb didn’t want Molly’s company, and so he stood. “It’s not like I’m terribly vocal about it.”

“I still…” Caleb stood up with Molly and handed the bottle back to him. “I should have known. I’m sorry.”

“Really, don’t worry about it, darling.”

Caleb did look worried, though, and was trying to avoid eye contact as best as he could. “You are really unconcerned with what I did?”

“Why would I be? Your past is your past.”

Caleb was twiddling his thumbs, was he nervous? “The rest know.”

“Caleb, darling, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

There was a brief silence as Molly decided his again that attention was unwanted and started moving back towards his room.

Molly had just brought the bottle to his lips as Caleb broke the silence. “I killed my parents.”

He nearly choked on his drink and spun around to face Caleb again once he’d nearly stopped coughing. “You can’t just launch that shit on me!” He punctuated his sentence with a point in Caleb’s direction and doubled over, still struggling a little to breath and now laughing.

“Er, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he heard Caleb say and straightened up to see him turning around.

“Hey!” He grabbed his arm and pulled him back, a little harder than he meant, bringing them almost flush. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Caleb blushed, hard, and Molly couldn’t help but wrap his arms around his waist and pull him closer cause he was just so adorable. “I just figured- after you knew, you wouldn’t-”

He rolled his eyes and pulled Caleb into a kiss. “Nothing you ever say, or anything you’ve done, will change how I feel,” he said after pulling away.

When Caleb started to say his name, he put a finger over his lips. Maybe he fucked up. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask.” A pause. Maybe he hadn’t? “Can I kiss you again?”

A pause. “ _ Molly _ .” And a longer one. “What are we doing here?” He whispered, and Molly couldn’t bear pulling away, but he did.

_ Fuck.  _ “Do you want to get out of here?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’ve reached the final stretch you guys. Thanks for sticking around this long.

Molly and Caleb walked through the dark city in silence. There were only a few dim oil lamps lining the streets to light their way, not that it bothered Mollymauk. He did worry, however, that Caleb might trip and fall. It almost reminded him of that first night they kissed, but Caleb didn’t cast a spell so he could see or anything, he just let Molly pull him to the side if he was about to run into anything.

Eventually, Molly couldn’t take being so out in the open, and he took Caleb’s hand to drag him onto a worn down path leading away from the town. Molly almost couldn’t believe how much Caleb made him crave privacy, it’s not like he had ever had before.

He still couldn’t make himself speak, though. So, they just kept walking in silence, and Molly got more nervous with every passing second.

At some point Caleb stopped, and Molly followed suit before beginning to speak, “Is something wrong?” while Caleb said at the same time, “What are we doing out here?”

They both went quiet again before mumbling their apologies. A few moments of unbearable silence passed again as they continued to walk. They, or more so, Molly spotted a stone bench by a river. They took a seat, and they both spoke again. Molly said, “I thought it’d be easier to talk away from the inn.” and at the same time, Caleb said, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Molly swallowed hard. He knew what he needed to say. He watched Caleb’s expression: he looked contemplative. And then he opened his mouth as if to say something, and Molly saw this at the perfect opportunity to slip it out there. It’d be harder for Caleb to hear if he were speaking at the same time.

So, Caleb opened his mouth and abruptly closed it as Molly murmured, “I’m in love with you.”

As he realized it was completely silent when he said that, he started to blush and watched Caleb do the same.

“I- uh… listen, Caleb,” he started, trying to recover from being so forward to a man who would never respond positively to that kind of action. “You don’t have to return my feelings, it’s not that big of a deal. I.. recognize that I’ve spoken out of turn, I know you don’t..” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “I’ll just- I’ll leave you here.”

He stood and nearly stepped away, but he felt a hand grab his. And, turning back around, although Caleb still wasn’t looking anywhere but directly in front of him, he said, “Stay.” And so Molly sat back down.

A few minutes passed with Caleb’s hand still holding tight to Molly’s, shifting at some point from a clasp to intertwining fingers, but the silence was driving Molly to the edge, and he spoke, “Are you sure you don’t want me to leave?”

He felt the hand in his squeeze and watched Caleb reply. “I.. no.” Then Caleb’s eyes were on his and Caleb’s free hand was brushing against his cheek, which he supposed was the way he knew where Molly’s eyes were. 

Molly’s eyes wandered down to Caleb’s lips, which parted slightly as he began to speak again, but instead, Caleb kissed him.

Then he pulled away and met his eyes again. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading !!! I’ll admit this story isn’t finished in my mind, so there might be a part two in the future, but we’ll see!


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